Asking For Feedback

Asking for and receiving feedback can prove to be a difficult task for both the giver and the receiver. However, it is critical in your career and relationships. Failing to ask for feedback means that you do not get an outside perspective on what you are doing well and how you can improve (i.e. an understanding of the impact of your efforts). Failing to give honest feedback denies the other party the opportunity to fully meet your expectations. In my personal experience, I found merely asking for feedback unfortunately was not enough. In multicultural relationships, whether they be personal or professional, we bring our own cultural norms surrounding communication and when in the workplace, professionalism. That impacts how we approach giving and receiving impact. Here’s an example from my own career.

A few years back, I was frustrated because I was asking my manager for direct feedback about my work (quality, usefulness, etc.) and was not receiving anything useful. This caused me some anxiety due to my own “career PTSD” of asking for feedback from a manager in the past, receiving positive feedback with no indication that I had areas in which I needed to improve, only to find out later that she was not pleased with the quality of my work and told everyone but me. I often overcompensate by being very critical of my work because I feel like I cannot trust others to give me the feedback I need to improve.

I did an exercise where I was given a bit of feedback to read (it was generic in that it was not sourced from my own life). The exercise instructed me to video record myself giving feedback to another. Then, it directed me to record myself hearing the feedback. Afterward, I watched the recordings.

Here's what I learned about myself by doing the activity. For me, feedback is serious business. I want to communicate non-verbally that I value what the other person is saying and make sure I’m prepared to understand what they are communicating and how I can take that to make changes, if necessary, in my own behavior or process. That posture is very different from the friendly, easy-going demeanor folks otherwise experience. A stern face is not necessarily an easy face to talk to. To be clear, my manager’s job is to give me positive or constructive feedback, where appropriate, to help me succeed in my role and the way I look should not prevent them from carrying out that critical task. I also know that I am not powerless, and I have agency in cultivating a relationship with my manager. So now I have an awareness that my countenance may not suggest that I am open to honest feedback. With that knowledge, I can adjust accordingly. This means I can communicate with my manager ahead of time that I may have on my serious face, but I really want to know what they think; or I can try asking for feedback in written form first as opposed to verbal.

Try it out and see if you gain any insight: I sourced this sample feedback from indeed.com

Example of constructive feedback: “You have impressive time management skills. You complete tasks quicker than most of the team and rarely turn in your work late. However, I would like to see you focus on the content of your work. For example, the form you sent me yesterday was missing key points. Even though you submitted it two days early, I had to take additional time to resolve those errors. I would love to see you be more thorough and deliberate by taking 15 minutes to review your work before submitting it."

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/constructive-feedback-examples

Leave a comment: Did you try this exercise? What, if anything, did you learn about yourself?